In sickness and in health?

The past 4 or 5 days I’ve been down with the flu, and as my health deteriorated the little spiritual practices I do slipped away too. Actually “slipped away” indicates a gradual reduction but it was almost immediate. So much for being steady! It is a clear indication of my level in bhakti – not very high.

I need to become steady – to not become overcome by my circumstances. To chant my 16 rounds come hell or high waters.

Dearest Gokula Taruni, She whom all the young girls of Gokula Worship,


Dear beautiful lady, all glories to your most enchanting form. All glories to your limitless glories which I am too dumb and dull headed to even remember or think about. Dear Srimati Radharani, please show compassion on this most foolish child. O best of worshipers, there is no end to my misfortune. Who knows what lives I’ve been living, somehow this life time I have been given You and Krishna by Srila Prabhupada. My spiritual master takes great pains in trying to help me please you. Each lecture, each letter, each conversation is aimed at trying to make me chant better, with attention, with love. He knows that this will help me because it will give me You. But Radhika, I am so unfortunate, so lacking in love, so lacking in discipline, so lacking in duty that I can not or is it will not listen. A hundred times I have heard the glories of pure chanting but still I will not chant.

Dear sweet Lady, Mother of the universe, please grunt your disobedient child, a life of service. Please grunt me the shakti to please gurudev and Srila Prabhupada. Please bless me to somehow find it in myself the ability to preach. Please Radharani, please help me serve. Please give me some little service to assist in spreading Gauranga’s mission. Please grunt me taste for the holy name.

I am an unworthy child who only wants, wants and wants. But I beg you to please consider these. I want to be a servant of your servants, but I can only be one with your blessings.

Forever begging your mercy,
Sitala dasi